The Negative of a Positive

She tested positive.

A wave crashes through me as I read the long text from the NHS. It explains what to do, how long for, information sites. But I can’t remember any of that; all I am aware of is that her test result is positive.

She’d actually been feeling better since Tuesday, lower temperature and settling in to life in isolation. Her cousin was on the final day of isolation as my daughter started hers, something they both had in common; except her cousin’s was as a precaution because someone at school had Covid-19.

I had to check the text again but I’d read it correctly the first time. After telling the family, we told her, I hope gently. She was strong, talking through the closed door to her sisters and on video call with me. Later, when we had dispersed, I could hear her crying. My baby, who I can’t even hug to comfort her tears and fears away.

But she’s strong. After the first shock she began to write instead, deciding she would record everything on her newly set up blog. She wrote of her year, her anxieties, anger and ultimately hope. Her sisters are sending her food, water and treats as well as calling to her every time they pass her door.

“Our Lord, burden us not with what we have not the strength to bear” (Holy Qur’an, 2:287)

I thought I’d have a small breakdown sometime. But not straight away because I didn’t want her to feel my emotion; later, alone, when things were more settled. I was certain and I’d get it out of the way, but it hasn’t come. Things seem bad but she’s young and healthy, we’re still taking precautions and praying.

“Surely there is ease after hardship.Aye, surely there is ease after hardship” (Holy Qur’an, 94:6-7)

We’ve lived with the shadow of Coronavirus hanging menacingly over us for 12 months, getting darker. The stories we hear are of infection and death rates, how contagious it is, how it attacks the organs even of seemingly healthy people. So when the hanging storm broke over us it was frightening. I don’t want my child to be ill. I don’t want any of us to be ill. I tell myself to stop being over dramatic; it’s only a virus, after all and many more people have recovered from it than haven’t. But in this climate of apprehension, of fear, it’s difficult not to let the darkness envelop me.

Thursday has dawned, bright and clear, sunny with a blue sky and I pray the worst of it has gone.